


This much is fine, right?

by lonercat



Category: TsukiPro the Animation
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, Obliviousness, One-Sided Attraction, One-sided feelings, Pre-Relationship, Slightly - Freeform, i dont think its that angsty though, it becomes slightly cute at the end, it has some, mentions of drinking, of course it's kou we're talking about here, poor Ryouta, rikka is the best senpai, they're all of age so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-15
Updated: 2018-04-15
Packaged: 2019-04-23 00:34:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14320572
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lonercat/pseuds/lonercat
Summary: Ryouta is painfully in love with Kouki. He knows that he shouldn’t let those feelings out. Ryouta wonders how far he can go without taking advantage of Kouki’s kindness and obliviousness?





	This much is fine, right?

**Author's Note:**

> I had planned for 3k words maximum but… welp. The setting is april 2018, normal growth doing… growth things but with a romance twist (as expected)! Hope you enjoy ~~

Waking up early as always, Ryouta checks his schedule before leaving his room. He has morning classes at university. After lunch, he’ll have a recording session with the rest of Growth, followed by an interview along with SOARA, and at late afternoon he’ll be a guest in a variety show.

Ryouta sighed at his busy schedule, but still, it makes him happy to work like this- especially when he’s part of Growth. He’d never trade the position for anything.

He got out of his tidy room after making the bed, and went to the kitchen. As most mornings, he woke up to the smell of delicious food being made. And as he expected, Kouki was in the kitchen, making pancakes for breakfast.

Pancakes were Ryouta’s favourite. Well, Kouki’s pancakes to be exact.

“It smells soooo good~~!” Ryouta heard a voice behind him. It was Mamoru, singing his thoughts. “Onii-san is happy to have pancakes as breakfast~~!”

“Even if the way you said it was gross,” Ryouta said, “I agree with you. I’m happy to have pancakes as breakfast too.”

It wasn’t exactly the pancakes. Ryouta loved them, for sure, but these pancakes were even more special. Because of the person who made them.

“I’m glad that you two like my food,” Kouki commented, flipping a pancake.

“Make that three,” Kensuke spoke, yawning. He successfully woke up to the smell of delicious food too.

“Well, there’s no person on earth that wouldn’t like Kou’s food,” Ryouta said. “Here, I’ll help you serve.”

“Thanks, Ryou,” Kouki smiled.

Ryouta felt happy. These simple mornings, just interacting normally with the blond leader, being able to see him every morning since they lived in the same dorm, helping Kouki in the kitchen, sitting beside him and enjoying idle chat; these were his favourite mornings. Mamoru and Kensuke were there too, and he was grateful for them as well.

“Really, Kou’s pancakes are the best,” Ryouta spoke, “they match so well with sour cream.”

“They match well with anything, actually,” Kensuke commented.

“Everything Kou-kun makes is absolutely delicious!” Mamoru exclaimed. Two heads nodded along.

Kouki became bashful. “I just like cooking, it’s all. Even more for the people I love.”

Ryouta felt a pang in his chest. He was being loved by Kouki, he knew. But it was the same love Kouki had for Kensuke, Mamoru, his family and even SOARA members. Kouki was that nice.

It was definitely not the same love Ryouta had for him.

Ryouta’s love was the kind of love that made him want to give Kouki a slow good morning kiss, hold him in his arms tenderly, make breakfast for him and have their hands entwined under the table as they ate.

But just being able to share meals, eating his homemade food, having conversations, sitting by his side and share common spaces was enough.

_Seeing him daily like this is fine, right?_

* * *

 

“I’m not going in,” Ryouta firmly said, crossing his arms.

Kensuke sighed. “But I already killed the cockro-”

“DON’T say that word, Ken.” Ryouta interrupted him.

It was past eleven in the night, and they were in the common room. Kensuke was trying to reason with Ryouta, convince him to return to his room. Minutes earlier, Ryouta encountered a disgusting bug in his room and silently got out, then asked Kensuke to dispose of it.

“I already said I’m not going in,” Ryouta spoke, “what if there are… more... of … those…” Ryouta couldn’t finish the sentence, too disgusted and scared to even refer to the insect.

“Ryou-kun can count on me to kill the bugs too!” Mamoru offered himself. He was well aware of Ryouta’s fear of bugs. “Ryou-kun can message me or Ken-kun and we’ll kill them for now until the exterminator comes tomorrow.”

“No, thanks,” Ryouta said, starting to get annoyed, “it’s probably your fault. You two don’t know how to keep a room clean even with staff and Kou sometimes helping you.”

“Even with everything clean, bugs will find their way in, Ryou,” Kensuke spoke. “That’s why it was in your room despite you keeping it tidy.”

“Don’t worry, we checked and there aren’t any more cockro-”

“Ken.” Ryouta glared at him.

“There aren’t any more bugs,” Kensuke continued, “and even if they are, you can call, message or yell at us, as Mamoru said. Don’t worry.”

“I won’t even have the will to scream or text if I see another one of those… things today,” Ryouta said.

“I warmed some tea,” Kouki appeared holding a tray with four mugs, “Are you alright, Ryou?”

Kouki put the tray in the centre table and sat in the double sofa by Ryouta’s side after handing everyone their mugs. He put his hand gently on Ryouta’s shoulder, in a concerned gesture. Kouki was worried for him. Ryouta’s expression softened considerably, letting out a small smile directed at the blond.

“I’m fine now,” Ryouta said, sipping his tea, “Thanks, Kou.”

“If Kou asks, then maybe Ryou would go to sleep in his room already?” Kensuke whispered to Mamoru. He knew Kouki was Ryouta’s biggest weakness after all.

“Maybe that could work,” Mamoru responded, seriously considering the possibility. Ryouta would never say ‘no’ to Kouki. “But I’m not sure if Kou-kun would actually ask Ryou-kun something like that.”

“We could make him ask,” Kensuke considered.

“If you’re too scared to sleep in your room, I could lend you mine,” Kouki offered.

“An angel!” Both Mamoru and Kensuke exclaimed.

“I … couldn’t…” Ryouta stuttered. To sleep in Kouki’s room would be too much.

“But, where would you sleep tonight?” Kouki continued, “I know you won’t go back to your room for now, and Mamoru’s and Ken’s rooms are probably not clean enough for Ryou to sleep comfortably.”

Kouki was being considerate. He knows Ryouta couldn’t possible have a good night of sleep if he asked his unit member to go back to his room. Kouki was just simply thinking of the best temporal solution. It’s not because he held special feelings for Ryouta, he had to remind himself that. Kouki would do this for Kensuke, Mamoru and even Sora and Morihito. He’s just very kind. This is one of the many reasons why he was in love with Kouki. He’s incredibly nice, and Ryouta was incredibly grateful for it. But it could lead to worse misunderstandings. He couldn’t take advantage of Kouki’s obliviousness like this. Spending a night, the two of them alone, Ryouta wouldn’t be able to bear the guilt.

“There go our plans,” Kensuke commented, earning himself another glare from Ryouta, but he was used to them so it held no meaning. “Just accept Kou’s offer, Ryou. We all have a busy day tomorrow and you need to rest.”

The death glare intensified, and for some reason it was Mamoru who flinched.

“Ken is right,” Kouki agreed. He looked at Ryouta beside him, and asked again, more directly this time, “Let’s sleep in my room, Ryou.”

Ryouta slowly nodded. He really couldn’t say ‘no’ to Kouki, no matter what.

“It’s settled then!” Kensuke exclaimed, getting up from the sofa.

“I’ll take these to the kitchen,” Kouki said, gathering the mugs back to the tray.

“I’ll help Kou-kun!” Mamoru offered. Kouki sighed, since the older man was extremely clumsy, but he still let Mamoru hold the tray and lead the way to the kitchen.

“Thank me later, Ryou,” Kensuke said smugly. Ryouta’s death glare returned in full force.

“Okay, maybe that one worked a little,” Kensuke said with a scared laugh.

“Ken, this is not right,” Ryouta said, “I… to Kou… well you know. It feels wrong to have chances like this with… well.”

“It’s rare to see the proper Ryou like a mess,” Kensuke chuckled, “But you shouldn’t feel wrong. It was Kou himself who offered, right?”

“He’s doing it from his good nature and as helping a friend,” Ryouta said, “but I just don’t see him like that.”

“It’s fine, it’s fine,” Kensuke said, trying to reach and pat Ryouta’s head only to have his hand swatted away. “If you can survive this night, then you would be able to endure something worse in the future, like Kou getting a girlfriend, or even married with kids- oh.” Kensuke stopped abruptly when he saw the look of sadness in Ryouta’s eyes.

“Sorry, Ryou.”

“Don’t worry, I have already been preparing myself for that, Ken,” Ryouta said.

“Just try to sleep as soon as you can and everything will be alright.” Kensuke told him as he put his hand on Ryouta’s shoulder.

“Ryou?” Kouki appeared behind them, after leaving Mamoru in his room.

“Good night, Kou, Ryou,” Ken said immediately and disappeared into his own room.

Alone in the hallway, Kouki felt the uncomfortableness in Ryouta’s behaviour. It was _that_ obvious for Kouki to pick up on it. The always composed Ryouta was trembling slightly at the prospect.

“You don’t want to sleep with me, Ryou?” Kouki asked, disheartened.

Ryouta mentally kicked himself for taking the innocent question in another context. “it’s not that I don’t want to. I do want to sleep with Kou,- I mean, I don’t – I…”

“I just don’t want to be a burden to Kou,” Ryouta sighed. This sentence not only meant to probably disturb Kouki in his sleep for the night, but also this was the reason why he hasn’t clarified his feelings to the blond. Letting his feelings act for him would not only potentially destroy his friendship with Kouki- and he definitely doesn’t want that to happen, but it could end Growth as well.

“Ryou would never be a burden for me,” Kouki chuckled and patted Ryouta’s hair.

 _‘He says that because he doesn’t know. Kou is so unfair’,_ Ryouta thought. _‘Maybe this is why it’s better that he doesn’t know that I love him.’_

“Thanks, Kou,” Ryouta smiled, “you’re really too nice.”

Kouki returned the smile and led Ryouta to his room.

Once they stepped inside, Kouki gestured Ryouta to choose a side of the bed. It was a single bed, but somehow it could fit the two of them without having to squeeze. Kouki turned off the lights and lied down beside Ryouta, facing him.

“Good night, Ryou,” Kouki said with a soft tone, covering the both of them with the same blanket.

Ryouta wanted to burn the sight on his mind. Kouki’s blue eyes were glinting in the dark room, reflecting the moonlight in them; his lips formed a soft smile, directed at Ryouta. His face was close, enough for some of the blond straight locks of his fringe entwine with platinum curly ones. Ryouta blushed for the first time in the night and was thankful that it was dark enough. He closed his own eyes after Kouki closed his, trying to sleep as well. He was nervous, but the gentle warmth and the soft breathing of the person at his side lulled him to sleep quicker than he thought.

Ryouta realised that with Kouki, he felt safe.

Even if he wanted to snuggle closer, to sleep against Kouki’s chest while hugging his torso, kiss him good night and repeat it every night, Ryouta felt content with just this. Feeling safe, letting himself be spoiled by the person he loves, enough to enjoy a peaceful night of sleep, that’s fine.

_Being close to him like this is fine, right?_

* * *

 

“This movie has been acclaimed as the best of the month!” Kensuke exclaimed.

The four of them were in the common room, Kensuke had gathered them. He wanted to watch a movie that his fans have been recommending nonstop to him. “We’re free right now, so why not?”

“I’ll make popcorn then,” Kouki said, getting up and going to the kitchen.

“What’s it about?” Ryouta asked.

“I don’t really know, I haven’t looked it up,” Kensuke answered. “It’ll be more interesting this way!”

“I agree with Ken-kun,” Mamoru spoke, “the surprise element could be better when watching a movie.”

“I’m not really sure about this,” Ryouta said. The cover gave him an ominous feeling.

After Kouki came with popcorn and Mamoru brought the drinks, Kensuke put the movie on the player. Kouki sat on his usual spot on the double sofa by Ryouta’s side, and Kensuke and Mamoru on the floor in front of the centre table.

Just as Ryouta thought, the movie ended up having a lot of jump scares. It was a horror movie.

Kouki silently got closer to Ryouta until he could grab his arm as the movie progressed, not wanting to stop it since Mamoru and Kensuke were clearly enjoying it. Ryouta also didn’t say anything, just put his hand on top of Kouki’s in a sign of reassurance. He’d do anything to protect Kouki, even if it was as simple as this. Also, Ryouta gently guided Kouki’s face to his shoulder so he wouldn’t have watch the extreme scenes. He made a mental note of nagging Kensuke after this.

“So good!” Kensuke exclaimed after the movie was over, “I was shivering!”

“Ehm, Ken-kun,” Mamoru spoke, gesturing to a terrified Kouki and a livid Ryouta.

“Oh, I forgot!” Kensuke said, “Sorry Kou, I didn’t really know what was the movie about and I was engrossed on it and-”

“It’s fine, Ken,” Kouki said, trying to smile. “I liked… watching the movie… with everyone as well…”

“Kou, you’re trembling,” Ryouta spoke.

“I know!” Mamoru stood up, “I will compose a happy song that will make the terrified Kou-kun forget about what he saw!”

“Thanks, Mamoru,” Kouki said. Ryouta helped him stand up and guided him to Mamoru’s studio, with Kensuke following behind.

As Mamoru played the piano with strange but beautiful melodies that came up to his head, Kouki’s face considerably lightened up. The songs held no meaning and had scattered lyrics, but they were enough to calm Growth’s leader. Kensuke joined Mamoru with the vocals when they decided to stick to some phrases, while Ryouta stood beside Kouki, who didn’t want to let his arm go. 

“Let’s grab some tea, Kou,” Ryouta spoke after the other two members were engrossed in their song making. Kouki silently followed, his grip still on Ryouta’s arm.

“Thanks, Ryou,” Kouki said upon arriving to the kitchen. “Having someone as brave as you by my side made me feel safe somehow.” He squeezed Ryouta’s arm tighter, a small gesture that resembled a hug.

Ryouta instinctively shook himself off Kouki’s grip, moving forward into the kitchen to reach the fridge and serve the tea. He was red to the tip of his ears. Those kind of sweet words, coming from Kouki were bad for his heart.

“It’s nothing really,” he said, busying himself with gathering the glasses and putting them on a tray.

“It might be embarrassing, having a fear like this,” Kouki stated, “but Ryou is with me, and that put me at ease. Thank you.”

“You’re exaggerating, Kou,” Ryouta tried his best not to stutter. He was being praised by his beloved Kouki, nothing else could make him happier. He somehow found his face becoming even redder and pursed his lips to supress a big grin that was about to come.

Kouki smiled as he walked next to Ryouta, who was holding the tray with the tea. Ryouta didn’t dare to look back at him, knowing that, judging by the cute, soft laugh he was hearing, Kouki was making an adorable face.

Desiring to protect him, to be by his side, to make him feel safe. With being able to do that, as simple as it seems, Ryouta felt thankful.

_Feeling happy for his praise is fine, right?_

* * *

 

Kensuke was in Ryouta’s room. It has been a while since the two friends hung out. Kensuke thought it would be a nice change of pace to just relax chatting with his best friend.

“And….” Kensuke spoke with excitement in his tone.

“And what?” Ryouta spoke harshly.

“What happened after a night of sleeping cosily, snuggling with our Kou-sama? Did you fall harder for him?” Kensuke’s eyes brightened.

Kensuke was the only person who knew of Ryouta’s feelings. Ryouta had no choice but to tell him, since Kensuke can read him like an open book.

“Nothing, really,” Ryouta blushed, lying to Kensuke.

It was just as Kensuke said. Ryouta somehow found himself even more in love with Kouki these past days. Seeing those cute sides, being spoiled by his consideration, taking advantage of his niceness made Ryouta a complete mess whenever he saw Kouki. To be fair, even if Ryouta had grown strong enough to control his feelings and not let them show, it was as if he fell in love with Kouki every morning upon seeing the blond leader.

Looking at his friend and noticing the red face to the tip of his ears, Kensuke sighed.

“it’s nice that you shift into idol mode and your feelings for Kou don’t overflow -most of the time-, Ryou. But if you’re too obvious like this in our private time, even someone like Kou would find out,” Kensuke said.

“Kou would never find out, even if I say it directly,” Ryouta sighed, smiling sadly. “Remember what happened when we were at Sunpro?”

 

“ _I love you, Kou.” Ryouta blurted out._

_He was alone with Kouki in the practice room at Sunpro. They both had been rehearsing dance moves non-stop for the past two hours and were currently on a break. Ryouta, who couldn’t lie to Kouki, simply let those three words of doom after a concerned Kouki asked what was wrong, because Ryouta usually didn’t make that many mistakes, even if he was trying to copy the advanced moves that Kouki was practicing._

_“I love you,” Ryouta repeated, this time his forehead touching the tip of his knees as he hugged them, embarrassed and in fear that he might let tears come out._

-‘I’ve realised it already. I’m in love with Kou.’

 _-_ ‘This has to be it. I thought I wanted to be near Kou because I wanted to learn from him. I admire him. He has the best probability to be an idol out of all of us. Everything about him is perfect. I thought I wanted to be like him. But that’s not it. I don’t want to be _like_ Kou. I want to be _with_ Kou. I want to see that smile every day directed at me. I want to know everything about him, only for me. But what I want the most is to see him happy. I want him to be happy.’

_Kouki laughed. A small, simple, cute laugh. “I love you too, Ryou.”_

_Ryouta raised his head, not believing his ears. This is Etou Kouki, so it is entirely possible that he took the wrong meaning of Ryouta’s words._

_“I’m glad I met you. And Ken too. I love the both of you.”_

_See? This is why Ryouta didn’t believe those words for a second. His hunch was right._

_“I really hope the three of us debut together,” Kouki continued, “so we won’t be separated. I’m happy that our bond deepened like this in a short time.”_

_“Yeah, me too,” Ryouta spoke, unable to hold the tears coming out from his eyes. He couldn’t hold them for longer than this. He couldn’t be mad, since it was exactly this gentleness, this pureness, this part of Kouki that made him fall in love in the first place._

_The understanding, nice Kouki took Ryouta in arms, giving a comforting hug. “Don’t worry, Ryou, I have a feeling that we’ll be together for a long time, we are best friends after all.”_

_Ryouta only let his tears fall harder. He was being painfully rejected, and the person rejecting him wasn’t even aware._

_He couldn’t blame Kouki. He is too nice._

_He decided not to try again. He may had let it out this time, in a tiny hope that his feelings may be reciprocated but now that he was sure they wouldn’t, Ryouta vowed to keep this secret to the grave._

_He was thankful that Kouki let him stay by his side, even as a friend._

_Being by Kouki’s side was enough for Ryouta._

‘This much is fine, right?’

_It was the first time Ryouta thought of those words._

 

“You’re the only person who would recall such a painful memory with a smile,” Kensuke said.

“It has become a fond memory for me,” Ryouta shrugged.

“I remember you crying even harder that night, and eating ice cream non-stop while watching sad romance movies in your room, that was so cliched,” Kensuke chuckled, “I had to physically retrieve the ice cream tub from you and clean your tears, you know?”

“That part isn’t very fond for me,” Ryouta spoke, “but I’m thankful to Ken for staying with me after all that.”

“Yeah, no worries,” Kensuke said, “Actually, it was the first and only time I saw Ryou’s room so messy with that many tissues,” he laughed. “Anyway, you have kept your promise only because Kou too innocent and too pure to even think about it.”

“Yeah, I know. The only thing Kou could be in love with are Mamoru’s and Sora’s songs.”

“Still, be careful, Ryou.”

“It’s not like you’re helping, Ken,” Ryouta sneered.

“I am actually helping you!” Kensuke said, “Think of it as training to resist Kou’s charms.”

Ryouta chuckled, but his sadness could be felt. “It’s useless. I’m completely unable to resist.”

“Fight on, Ryou!” Kensuke exclaimed, then reached to Ryouta and gave him a hug, in hopes to cheer his best friend.

* * *

 

 

Ryouta was in the studio where Growth usually practiced, having reserved it for the afternoon to dance. There was an upcoming presentation and he still hadn’t memorised part of the choreography, since he hadn’t really had the time to rehearse.

He was not alone. Kouki was also there. It was only the two of them since Mamoru was cooped up in his room composing the three songs he needed to complete the project they were currently in, and Kensuke was at university. It was perfect because the upcoming presentation was of their first duet song together anyway, so only the two of them needed to practice that afternoon, and the following ones if necessary.

“After the turn, we make a gesture with our hands and take three steps back,” Kouki explained while demonstrating. Ryouta was fascinated at how gracefully his body moved at the rhythm of the music, and how fast he learned these complicated choreographies.

“Like… this?” Ryouta tried mimicking Kouki, with little success.

“Hmm, you need to raise your arm a bit more,” Kouki said, lifting Ryouta’s arm himself.

Ryouta has been in this situation countless times, with Kouki helping him to do the right pose. Still, his heart skipped a beat whenever the leader got closer, his warm breath on Ryouta’s ear while giving directions and his fingertips touching Ryouta’s body.

Ryouta loved how dedicated Kouki is. He wouldn’t go past a dance move until they were both synchronised and were able to do it as good as possible. Also, he was patient, since no matter how many times Ryouta had to try the same move, Kouki would always help and correct him with the same soft smile as the first time.

Kouki is an excellent dancer. He probably had natural talent for it, but still he didn’t work any less than the rest of the Growth members, or the teens back at the old agency. He still practiced as much and as hard as everyone, and Ryouta admired him for that. Ryouta probably still does, but that admiration has shifted into infatuation.

Sitting against a wall to take a break and wiping his forehead with his light pink towel, Ryouta remembered that time when he confessed to Kouki. They were in this exact same position, with Kouki standing up next to him, leaning against the veranda adjacent to the mirror and drinking a sports beverage. Ryouta laughed.

“What is it?” Kouki asked.

“Nothing,” Ryouta answered, looking at the empty studio, smiling fondly, “I just remembered the past.”

Kouki chuckled. “Me too. I’m glad we got to keep our promise of that day.”

“Debuting together, yes,” Ryouta said, “We didn’t exactly keep it as we expected it, though.”

“We surpassed the expectations,” Kouki said, “Growth is so much better than what I had planned back then.”

“Yeah, we have an amazing composer after all,” Ryouta agreed, “although he’s a nuisance sometimes, I’m grateful to Mamoru.”

“So much has changed since then,” Kouki said, reminiscing, “Thanks to Mamoru our present is this marvellous. But there’s something that hasn’t changed.”

“What is it?” Ryouta asked.

“This might be embarrassing, but,” Kouki started, “I still love Ryou like I did back then. Maybe even more now.”

Ryouta’s heart shattered at those words. Of course, he wasn’t expecting something to change, he knew it wouldn’t. Still, it pained him that he couldn’t say the same “I love you too, Kou” back to him because it would be a lie. He loved Kouki, and now even more than ever, but not in the same connotation as the leader meant it.

“Along with Ken and Mamoru, I’m happy to be with you, Kou,” Ryouta said, forcing a smile. That sentence was true, he was happy for being in Growth with them three. This was the best he could do so he wouldn’t lie to Kouki, nor he would tell the entire truth. He knows the consequences and he won’t take any risks.

Holding those words deep into his heart, even if they didn’t have the meaning he wanted, that was enough for Ryouta. He would take Kouki’s love in any form, as long as he could continue being by the leader’s side, supporting him and seeing him happy.

Kouki’s happiness was enough for Ryouta. Even if that happiness meant standing next to him at the aisle while Kouki was waiting for a cute bride, even if it meant to help him name his kids. As long as Ryouta could continue receiving love from Kouki, even as a friend and unit mate, that was enough.

_“Being pleased with this is fine, right?”_

* * *

 

“Do you want to take a detour?” Kouki asked.

They were walking back to the dorm, since the studio they were practicing in was in such a short distance. They were both tired, having rehearsed and learnt that many dance moves like the old times, but still Kouki wanted to walk for longer.

“Yeah, it’s okay,” Ryouta replied simply.

“Mamoru told me about a crepe stand at the nearby park,” Kouki commented, pointing at the park’s direction, “let’s go there.”

“Sounds good,” Ryouta said, “although I don’t really trust in Mamoru’s recommendations. Only when it comes to music though.”

Kouki let out a small laugh. “But Ryou loves crepes, so I thought it should be fine to eat some. A reward for your hard work.”

Ryouta blushed and looked down to hide his pink face.

It was a cool spring afternoon. Kouki and Ryouta walked side by side on a path surrounded by cherry blossom trees, happily observing the petals fall. The park looked lovely with all those pink petals scattered around. It felt magical.

Ryouta smiled as he thought how lucky he was being, sharing this moment, this precious scenery with the love of his life. If they were a couple, this would be the perfect plan to spend the afternoon. Kouki was so close, enough to brush Ryouta’s hand occasionally as they walked. Ryouta wanted to hold his hand, to smile at him as the petals fell a top of his blond hair, to hug him, to share his warmth, to enjoy the season of love with Kouki.

Kouki walked ahead and brought two crepes while Ryouta looked for a bench to sit on. He found a perfect one in the middle of two trees, the shade covering them from the weak sunlight. Kouki handed him a strawberry crepe, decorated with cherries and pink drizzle, appropriate for the season.

Ryouta smiled as he received the crepe, “Thank you, Kou.”

“These crepes are delicious,” Kouki said, “Mamoru was right. I’ll try making them at home.”

“Kou’s crepes are even more delicious,” Ryouta said, “but, yeah, these are enjoyable.”

“Ah,” Kouki exclaimed, looking at Ryouta. “A cherry blossom petal on Ryou’s hair.”

He extended his hand to touch Ryouta’s hair, removing the pink petal that laid on top of his hair. Ryouta blushed for the umpteenth time that day.

Kouki laughed. “Cute.”

“You know, cherry blossoms suit you. It’s not because your name is ‘Sakuraba’; it’s just that they naturally suit you,” Kouki said.

“What do you mean?” Ryouta said, embarrassed, trying to hide his face in his scarf.

“They are as beautiful as Ryou,” Kouki smiled, taking a bite of his crepe and ignoring the effects of his words to his friend. 

Ryouta tried to busy himself in finishing own his crepe. _Kou is so unfair._

_Enjoying these moments, hearing these words, this much is fine, right?_

* * *

_Bonus 1: Consultation with Rikka-san_.

“This is my recommendation,” Rikka said as he passed Ryouta a neon pink drink.

They were in a bar, it was almost 8pm. Rikka had a photoshoot together with Ryouta, and being a nice senpai, he decided to take the Growth member for drinks since he was finally of age.

“Thank you, Rikka-san,” Ryouta said, taking a sip. He felt comfortable around Rikka, since the SolidS member was a fine, composed and mature adult that Ryouta aspired to be.

A few drinks later, Ryouta was suddenly being more honest with his senpai, no trace of his cool façade left behind.

“You might want to slow down, Ryouta-kun,” Rikka warned, “Some of the drinks are stronger than others, and mixing them up could be dangerous. Also, you’re not used to drinking.”

“Sorry, Rikka-san,” Ryouta said.

“It’s fine, I’ll take care of you,” Rikka stated. “let’s take something non-alcoholic for now.”

“May I ask a question, that perhaps might seem too intruding?” Ryouta asked. Rikka nodded, adding more sugar to the orange juice he gave to the Growth member.

“Aren’t things more difficult now?” he asked, gesturing to the ring with a pink diamond on Rikka’s left hand. “I mean, how did you handle your situation with your fiancé? What about the rest of SolidS?”

“It wasn’t that difficult,” Rikka let out a small smile. “From the start our feelings were clear. I was well aware of them since the day I met him, and clarified them from the day he saw me for who I truly am. He was clueless about it, but his feelings were present too.”

“The other two were surprised, but at the same time they could see it coming. They both gave us their blessing. I think we just naturally fell into the place of ‘husband’ and ‘wife’ since we were living together. It was only a matter of time. And I had planned to be with him forever since the day he invited me to SolidS, regardless of the unit continuing or not.”

“That’s the kind of love I feel for him, and I’m glad that my feelings are being reciprocated.” Rikka finished, touching the pink diamond in his ring, looking at it fondly.

“I know that Ryouta-kun is in the same position as me,” Rikka commented, taking a sip of his drink. “But your unit leader is a bit slower when it comes to these things. Perhaps it’s because he’s so young and busy that he hasn’t really thought about it?”

“How-how does Rikka-san know?” Ryouta asked, startled. His face was paler by the second. “Am I that obvious?”

“Not really,” Rikka shrugged, “Ryouta-kun certainly lets some hints drop here and there, but you behave normally in front of the cameras and in most social situations. It’s just that I can relate to you when I was your age. I wasn’t in a unit with my fiancé at 20, but what I was feeling is similar to what you are experiencing right now. That’s why I was able to pick it up.”

Ryouta sighed. “I’m doomed. I am afraid that maybe one day I won’t be able to keep my feelings in check and I might let them out all at once.” He said, slumping on top of the bar counter. “And this time I won’t be able to pass it up as ‘friendly love.’”

“It’s unhealthy to keep it all bottled up, you know?” Rikka said. “It’s probably for the best that you tell Kouki-kun what you feel about him once and for all.”

“I already tried once and got rejected. He didn’t even know he was rejecting me.”

“I could see that happen,” Rikka spoke, imagining the situation. “But, isn’t it painful for Ryouta-kun to see him every morning and having to repress yourself that much?”

“It is,” Ryouta admitted, taking a sip of his drink, “but seeing him smile is enough to get me through the day. He’s happy that the four of us live together in harmony, our bond as an unit is precious for him, and for me as well. I don’t want to ruin that.”

 “I understand,” Rikka put his hand on Ryouta’s back, a sign of consolation. “Ryouta-kun is very mature. Pondering over your circumstances, of course you’d pick staying in harmony with the unit over your own feelings.”

“But that’s not what your heart truly wants, is it?” Rikka asked.

Ryouta sighed, repressing his tears. “Not really.”

_I’m content with this. Kou is happy. He likes having me by his side, supporting him as the friend I am and have always been. He trusts me. He loves Growth more than anything, and I’m lucky that I’m part of the unit he loves. I’m happy being with Kou. But I’m not really with Kou. I might be by his side, but it’s not the same. He doesn’t know, that’s why he’s still happy. It’s peaceful. More than anything, I’m happy if Kou is happy. But it’d be ideal if I was the cause of Kou’s happiness._

“I want Kou to be happy with me,” Ryouta whispered, gripping his glass harder.

“Finally being honest with yourself?” Rikka said, smiling sadly.

* * *

 

 _Bonus 2:_ _Kouki’s thoughts._

“Well, I’m going to bed,” Kensuke said yawning as he stood up from the sofa and walked to his room.

“I’m going to sleep too,” Mamoru spoke, “and Kou-kun?”

“I’ll stay here a for a bit more,” Kouki answered.

“Are you going to wait for Ryou-kun?” Mamoru asked. They all knew Ryouta was coming late, since he texted them in the chat group that he’d be with Rikka for a while after work.

Kouki nodded. “I’ll help him once he arrives.”

“Well, there is the slight possibility that Ryou-kun is getting drunk right now,” Mamoru said, “Okay! Onii-san will help! I’ll stay with Kou-kun!”

“Thank you, Mamoru,” Kouki smiled, “but I don’t think Ryou will react… nicely upon seeing you while he’s drunk. Especially when you broke his favourite mug this morning.”

“Ahahaha~ it’s true…” Mamoru said remembering the angered Ryouta, “that could lead to a dangerous situation.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll take care of Ryou,” Kouki said.

“After all, Kou-kun is the only one that can reach Ryou-kun,” Mamoru stated, “I’ll leave it to you, leader,” he said then went to his room.

Kouki didn’t know why, but he felt a rush of happiness upon hearing those words.

After Kensuke and Mamoru were asleep, Kouki decided he’d make something to busy himself, so he could wait for Ryouta awake. He settled for some macarons, because Ryouta loves sweets. Kensuke and Mamoru also loved the sweets Kouki made, but these kind of special confectionery was Ryouta’s favourite. The macarons were perfect to heal the tired and possibly tipsy Ryouta when he arrived.  Thinking about it, they were often having pancakes for breakfast, with Kouki making them because Ryouta loved to have them with sour cream.

_I like seeing Ryou happy. I like preparing food that makes others happy._

The doorbell rang when Kouki was finishing the last macaron. It was really late. He opened the door and saw Rikka and Ryouta, the latter with red cheeks and a hazy look.

“Sorry for bringing him this late,” Rikka said, “Ryouta-kun is still a bit tipsy.”

“It’s fine, Rikka-san,” Kouki said, letting Ryouta inside.

“Thanks for today, Rikka-san,” Ryouta spoke.

“My pleasure,” Rikka said, then turned around and walking to his own dorm. “Good night, Kouki-kun, Ryouta-kun,”

“I’m home, Kou,” Ryouta said, not meeting his eyes. Kouki put his arm on Ryouta’s waist, leading him to the sofa.

“Welcome back, Ryou,” Kouki smiled, reassuring his unit mate, “Do you want tea and snacks?”

“Yes, please,” Ryouta exclaimed, lifting his face.

Kouki saw Ryouta’s dull pink eyes brighten, and his pursed lips form a lazy smile. He felt happy upon the sight.

He was happy when Ryouta was happy.

Kouki feels happy when others are happy, that’s why he decided to continue being an idol. But knowing that he and only he caused that happiness in Ryouta made him feel better than usual. Proud, even.

Kouki brought the macarons he made and gave Ryouta tea in a new mug that he and Mamoru bought on the afternoon. It was the same model as the one Mamoru broke that morning. Ryouta smiled, recognising the pink pattern on the mug.

Ryouta is not someone that smiles a lot. He does smile, but most of the time those aren’t sincere. There’s his idol smile when he’s on work mode; his polite smile when he’s around strangers or talking with the staff; there’s his regular, friendly smile when he talks with Kensuke, Mamoru, Sora, Ren and the other Tsukipro members. And there’s one last, pure smile that only Kouki has seen. A smile that comes out naturally and makes his eyes shine like pink diamonds under the sun. Kouki felt that the pure expression that Ryouta was making was reserved only to him.

Kouki has observed Ryouta enough to know the difference in his expressions.

_It’d be nice if everyone could see a beautiful Ryou smiling like this._

Suddenly, he felt a pang on his chest.

It was not a nice feeling.

Allowing others to see this beautiful Ryouta wasn’t apparently good for him.

Kouki wanted to be the only one allowed to cause and see that expression.

That’s the only way it felt right.

Ryouta ate some of the macarons on the plate that Kouki gave him, while the blond leader sat next to him in the sofa, observing him.

_I’m probably being selfish. But, I like things as they are. Ryou being comfortable enough to smile like that next to me._

“The macarons were delicious,” Ryouta said, letting out a soft laugh, “thank you.”

“Anytime.”

Kouki smiled upon seeing Ryouta’s face brightened because of the sweets he made. Ryouta had a look of fondness in his face while holding the tea mug, the warmth helping him relax.

Comforting Ryouta after a busy day felt good, knowing that his usually reserved friend relies in him and trusts him enough to show his tiredness to him and only to him; also to let his guard down enough to let Kouki see him tipsy.

 “Kou’s cooking is really the best,” Ryouta said, “Especially confectionery. I love these sweets, even more when Kou makes them.”

“I made them because I know Ryou loves them. I thought they would help you relax,” Kouki said, “you’ve been working non-stop these days.”

“Kou surprisingly can be observant sometimes,” Ryouta said with a dry chuckle, finishing his tea.

Ryouta rarely snarked at Kouki, but when he did, it somehow felt very different than when he normally does it to Kensuke, and even more different when he does it to Mamoru. There was no trace of malice. It felt playful, soft, comfortable.

_What would happen if more people saw Ryou like this?_

_They’d love him like I do for sure._

Kouki didn’t know why he doesn’t like the idea of letting other people see these lovable sides of Ryouta. He feels full knowing that he’s the only one that can see everything of Ryouta.

“I love you, Kou.”

Ryouta fell asleep on Kouki’s shoulder after softly whispering those words.

Kouki then patted Ryouta’s head on his shoulder. He thought he was probably the only one that (apart from make-up artists, hair dressers and his close family) has touched Ryouta’s hair. And he’s definitely the only one able to caress Ryouta’s soft platinum locks whenever he wants. Ryouta’s hair is soft, smells good, is beautiful.

The whole Ryouta is beautiful. Kouki felt delighted to be with him.  

“I love you too, Ryou.” Kouki whispered back.  He has told Ryouta that he loved him countless of times, but something didn’t feel the same in that moment.

Something felt as if those words held a different meaning.

Kouki couldn’t really point out the difference. He has always loved Ryouta, like he loves Kensuke and Mamoru. He loves being part of Growth, and he loves that Kensuke, Mamoru and Ryouta are part of the same unit as him.

But in that exact moment, it felt like those words were special.

Kouki noticed that Ryouta accidentally let his open hand rest on top of his knee. The leader noticed that Ryouta’s fingers were long and elegant, beautifully manicured. Even so, Ryouta’s hand is probably smaller than his.

In an impulse, Kouki put his hand on top of his sleeping partner and his fingers instinctively curl between the leader’s. Kouki returned the grip and laced their fingers properly.

It felt nice being with Ryouta. He was in absolute comfort. Kouki didn’t know why, but, deep down, he somehow wanted this.

He gave in his selfish, impulsive desire of touching Ryouta.

It felt right to hold Ryouta’s hand.

 _Being close with Ryou like this; this much is fine_ , _right?_

**Author's Note:**

> I made my beloved growth boys suffer. Im sorry (not really. Sometimes angst(?) is fine too).
> 
> Kou is such a pure innocent angel that he doesnt notice his own feelings, much less ryou's. and i'm a sucker for kenryou platonic friendship yeah. 
> 
> Of course Rikka had to make a guest appearance bc I love the pink solids and I’m dying for some Rikka/Ryouta interaction as in good mentor-senpai/cool student-kouhai. They’re so beautiful together. I feel like they would get along really well. And yes, you guessed it, Rikka’s future husband is Shiki! They act like a married couple in some twitter ss (especially the white day one) and they were so married in some parts of the anime… (yes I know I squealed as well at the last (dairikka) solids episode, that was everything I could ever dream of, (hell I even wrote dairikka before) but I’m on a shiki x rikka streak right now XD) 
> 
> I did mention I shipped (mostly) -everyone x everyone- in tsukipro, so here you go! I’m planning on writing for even more ships (and some of those pretty rare at that) but real life and a huge block have considerably slowed me down. I have a lot of unedited and unfinished drafts for tsukipro fics… I’ll eventually finish those, someday. 
> 
> I love Ryou, but I wanted to make him suffer a little. It’s fun sometimes. 
> 
> Thanks for reading <3 !


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